Genesis - Reflections...

Honestly... what is Valentine's Day about??
Is it about love?? or is it about relationship??

Seems like this day has became so commercialised that people are cashing in on it.
Hotels suite costing as much as $6,888 and dinner costing more than $500...
Just to show how much you love a person. But do you only show how much you love a person on 14th February every year?

If you really do love a person... everyday can be Valentine's Day...

Honestly... I prefer to think that Valentine's Day is a day of love... not just between lovers, husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends... It about love for people who cares for you and people you love...

I simply love everyone around me... and I still love that someone who loved me once...

Wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day...

Hugzzz

Al

It's really been a long time since I wrote anything here...
Let me try to recollect what has happened...

Nov 2006

Since my last entry, I was busy working on the exercise...
After that I went for the corrective surgery.
The inserted the scope through my arteries in my thigh,
trying to look for the extra nerve, but found nothing.

It was really a horrendous experience lying in the operation theatre
in NUH, when you are still sober while operating on you.
I really regret going there for my operation.
At the end of the whole ordeal, I asked the doctor, "How am I?"
His reply was, "You are fit, but the problem is still there.
Eat these pills and it will slow your heartbeat."

I was like "What the fark????"

Now I am seeking another specialist opinion at SGH NHC.
At least I have more confidence in the doctors over there.

I spent the remaining 2 months on leave and off... spending most of the time
shopping, drinking coffee at some cafe in Orchard, fine dining and wine...
What else?? hmmmm... just simply enjoyed the months ahead...

Dec 2006

I really spent alot this year on my friends.
Most of my close friends received a present from either Gucci or Ferre.
I really don't mind splurging on them. Cos at the end of the day,
your friends will still be there for you...

Of course, I had spent on myself as well...
I bought myself an Ipod 30GB, two Gucci Wallets, a new mobile phone (Nokie E60)
and a pair of the best tickets to watch Phantom of the Opera with him!

Christmas Eve... I wanted to buy J&J drinks,for their friendship and hospitality.
When they found out that the following day was my B'day, they treated me instead.
They ordered two bottles of vintage wine... when the bill came, it cost $600 for the wines.
I was so embarassed... Instead of ending the night, we went over to their place for more wine,
and I brought a straight friend along. At least he was comfortable at the end of the night.

Christmas Day, I spent it at J&J's place again. This time was a popiah party.
It was fun... We exchanged presents, played mahjong, more wines... got to know
more friends... Trying very hard to act straight infront of straight guys...
It was really very fun... And of cos I had my birthday bang... keke...

New Year's Eve... I decided to head to KL for New Year.. just like a year ago.
Managed to contact my friend and he helped to arranged a hotel room in Shangri La for me.
Thanks alot Charles.

The parties at Orange and Maison were great! But still, there were alot of familar faces
at the clubs... and it was fun! Definitely worth the travelling.

I had a good sleep the following day, almost couldn't wake up for lunch with Charles,
until he called me to wake me up at 12nn... I had dim sum lunch with him at the restaurant...
It was good!

Now it back to work for me... A new office... A new boss...
Totally new environment that's so much better!

*****

A Story to share... Think twice before you let a friend bunk in...

On NY's eve, a friend decided to fly in to KL and bunk in with me.
Brought him to Orange... the moment he walked in, young boys were all over him.
The boy brought him upstairs and they were making out at the sofa.
They were about to fark when I appeared... Threw my cigarette at him before he loose control.

Instead, he brought the boy along to my hotel room!!! I was like 'What the fark'!!!!
They were making out on my bed! My bed! I can't even get to sleep...
I went to soak in the bath tub... my skin almost wrinkled and peeling, and they
are still not done yet! I cannot take it... I walked out, and they are still farking!

I tried not to bother... but the moaning and groaning... eewwww...
I went into the toilet again.. to have a few sticks of cigarette...
But I was so high and tired... fark!
Chased them into the toilet... Finally... get to sleep... By then, it was 6am.

2 hours later... 8am... they were at it again!
They were all over each other AGAIN... This time round, chased them to the sofa.
By the time they were done, it was 10am.

My 'friend' tried to wake me up for breakfast!
I told them to carry on, and let me sleep.
They went ahead... When he came back, he still had the cheek to lament to me,
'He's such young boy, first time I think... Can't really satisfy me.'

I was like 'What the fark, what you expect me to say?'
He fly out of KL that afternoon, staying in KL for less than 24hours,
paying more than $400 for air flight, fucked twice...
Guess he enjoy such encounters!

What a start to the new year... Starting with a bang!!! haha...
*******

Quite nervous when I think about it...

When I went to see my cardiologist... his face said it all...
I needed an operation within these 2 weeks...

Hope I will recover after this operation...

Wish me luck....

I didn't even realise that a year has past, until I was reading through my LJ.
Time really flies...

Today is my brother's birthday...
Brought my family for lunch at Shima restaurant...

The teppan-yaki chef was so hunky and cute.
And his smile was so charming, and his deep manly voice...

Still can't get over it... haha...
Maybe I should go there for meals more often... haha..

Later in the afternoon, this guy from Fridae wanted to meet me.
Somehow I felt that he was the same as those shallow guys,
looking for those gorgeous hunks. I shouldn't be bothered with such people.

If he wants to befriend me, it's ok... but not when he's looking
for those people with fantastic looks and bods... both of which I don't have...

Like what I believe in... looks doesn't last forever, but a person of
good character and nature will be someone who will always be there.

A fox managed to find its way into an actor's house one day. He was having a wonderful time rummaging through the actor's belongings, when he discovered a mask of the type used in a theatrical performances. It was beautifully made and the fox was completely captivated. He held it up in his paws and gazed raptly at it. "Such a love face," he said to himself, "what a pity it doesn't have a brain to go with it."

The moral of the fable is:
"Too often, a pretty face masks an empty head."

Hmmm... think I got my first sign that I am no longer young and that fit anymore.

On Monday, I was having a very tight chest, and I can feel the beating of my heart...
It was very heavy, and I had the awkward feeling of an extra heartbeat.

Went to see the doctor and was recommended to take the ECG.
The results came out with severe irregularities in the heartbeat.
An extra heartbeat was detected by the machine after every few beats.

It was really a very abnormal sign.

My doctor immediately consulted a friend and decided to evacuate me to NUH.
Immediately I was placed into the ambulance and it sped off to NUH.
When I was brought into the A&E, I was immediately wheeled into the treatment area,
and plugs and tapes were stuck all over me. I can hear the beeping of the machines.
I was going numb, cold... breathless... I thought I was going to die.

Doctors and nurses were rushing around me... more apparatus were hooked up and placed on me.
I was given a few jabs to stablise my condition and allowed to rest for a while.
I could feel and hear my heartbeat going back to normal... and the occasional extra beep.
I was too tired to resist... I fell asleep.

Finally, after more than 2 hours, my condition was back to normal...
I was wheeled into the ward for observation and monitoring.

Looking back, I could have die on Monday due to Sudden Cardiac Arrest,
but fortunate or unfortunately (for some) I didn't.
Maybe I should do something about my health... quit smoking again, and to cut down my late
night parties and heavy drinking....

When I was hospitalised, I'm touched by the care and concern showered by my friends,
who rushed down to make sure all my arrangements are taken care of, who bothered
to msg, visit me and constantly check if I was alright, and the friends who rushed
to Siglap to buy BBQ chicken wing as supper for me and come to my room to keep me company.

I really appreciate all of your kindness and sincerity.
Thank you. If ever one day you need me, I will be there.

I promise...

I was quite perturbed by the comments made.

I asked if he was alright.

His reply was "Are you returning the favour?"

Deep inside I was like... "Hey, I am asking out of concern. What does it got to do with returning favours?"

If life is all about returning favours, maybe all the ugly (heart) people will be oweing alot of favours to nice guys.

Secondly I don't think I can stoop myself down to such a low level. Even though comments I heard before I went for my knee reconstruction ("I wanted to see him before he becomes a handicap, don't think I will help him cos he's not my friend.") It doesn't matters to me. It only shows a person's character and personality.

Just simply put it, it is just not my personality to be pretentious...
If we want to befriend someone, maybe we should put in some sincerity.

I was out last night with Matt and Sam...
We had dinner and went for cakes...
At the borders cafe, I met Kenneth... as cute as ever...
I was caught by surprise when he came over and said "Hi" and his thousand watt smile...

Later, Sam left to meet his Attica kakis.
Both Matt and I were not in the clubbing mood. We just wanted to relax.
So Matt and I went to Wine Garage... sat by the river, chatting, sipping our wine.
Time slipped by while we were chatting... Both of us were relaxed and jovial.
It's always the case with Matt, whenever he is around.

Midnight... both of us still fully awake and fresh...
So we decided to head for CR. It was packed... lots of patrons.
We grabbed our bottles and started to drink...
After the soccer match, the crowd started to dwindle...

Soon it was only Matt, myself and the opposite table. Also from SQ.
Soon we started chatting and discussing about stuffs.
Dan was very nice... Soon we finished the bottle of whiskey, and I still had mine..
By 3am, we had finished about 2 bottles of whiskey, a bottle of Martell Gordon BLeu and a Martell VSOP.

Matt was so gone... He was all over Fui.... which he claims to have a big gu gu jiao...
Haha... My curiousity was aroused... but I was getting comfortable with Dan.
So Jules left with Mr Big... I have to call him later to find out what happened.

We drank more, chatted more... and got to know Dan more.
He's a man of principles, and he follows his heart in making decision.

With the lights on, we were still very sober... very awake...
Sunday... 3am... So we headed for Clark Quay, there's a straight pub that opens till 5am.
It was quite happening... they were singing Thai songs... somehow it brought me back to Bangkok...
haha.... and more Martell...

We chatted more and drank more...

Soon, the lights came on again... think it was 5am...
And i was totally shagged out... but I really enjoyed myself.
We walked to the taxi stand... and we chatted more.

I was really comfortable chatting up with Dan, and so was he.
Before we left, we agreed to meet next Sat at CR for drinks.
Just before we left, he planted a peck on my cheek...

I was... stunned... and happy at the same time...
I really look forward to next Sat at CR...

One of my fave songs...

作词：李安修　作曲：陈耀川　编曲：陈耀川

犹记年少时光　纯纯的爱在心底
你给我的笑容　是我见过最美丽
从此无法再逃避　对你的爱意
你是我一生下的第一个决定

一辈子　能有多少次动心
一颗心　能刻多深的痕迹
一段情　要过多久能忘记
我和你的过去　爱与真的记忆

你也许还会记得　也许还会想起
我的一片赤子心
魂萦梦牵是你　欢喜悲伤为你
酸甜苦辣都尝尽

啊　就算各分东西　就算各分两地
别忘我的赤子心
让最初最真的爱长留在心底

转眼时光飞逝　懵懂的人已远去
如今你我身边　都有不同的伴侣
可是在我的心里　依稀还见你
清新的脸庞　伴我最初的真情

http://www.71yy.com/song/188951.htm

Last night I was at the Esplanade to catch this great musical.
I would say this year's version is much better than the last one in 2003.
I was quite moved during certain scenes, esp when Tong Zhi died in Yehenara's arm.

As typical of Dick Lee's production, it was dramatic as ever...
With the great costumes, lighting and props, the visual effects were simply outstanding.

At least cutie enjoyed it...
Look forward to the next theatre in Nov... Little Shop of Horrors!!

So many things happening... better log it down before i forget...


Sep 06
Study study study...
Forbidden City 2006
NATAS Fair - HK and TPE air tix...

Oct 06
Prepare for Australia trip

Nov 06
Little Shop of Horrors
Trip to Australia

Dec 06
HK and TPE trip to celebrate X'mas and New Year!

Jan 07
Recovery

Feb 07
Bkk and Chiang Mai
New Office??

Mar 07
Visit to India

Apr 07
Visit to TPE

It's definitely been a long while since I posted anything on the net...
Been so busy with work and studies... really hardly have time for anything.
I hope all my friends are well...

Well... 3 more weeks of school for me... and it's back to work for me.
And more work to do before I go for my overseas assignment.

The past 2 months have been a roller coaster ride for me,
can feel the adrenaline rush, anxiety, stress, sadness and happiness...
all within the same day.

As usual, people around me have been coming together and breaking up... guess that's
so much about the gay love...

I have been asking myself, if there is true love in this gay circle???
When a guy tells you he loves you... and promise to be with you till eternity,
is it true? Guess I have learnt to take things with an open mind... just enjoy
each other's company and the times spent together. Don't bother so much.

My mood since then has been feeling down. Been thinking about the past.
It's really scary when it comes back to haunt you. It really distracted me
from my studies. I tried really hard to concentrate, but images of him kept
flashing past me. It was so emotionally distressing... sigh...

Earlier today, was talking to a close friend, K.
He's going through a difficult time in his relationship.
Both of them are taking a retreat and he's going to Thailand to relax for a while.

Before he left, he reminded me the promise I made to him, to let go of the past, and
to move on... Only then I realise, it's not worth holding onto something that is
no longer there... it's all memories now.

Hardly have time for any love, romance or relationship... until recently...

Guess the best part of today was when I got a surprise, it really turned my day around!!!
The cutie which I was eyeing in my class messaged me. Let's just call him AR.

He was asking me why am I looking so serious and not my usual self.
AR tried to cheer me up by talking to me, joking with me and while lesson was going on,
we were SMS-ing each other. At least I did felt much better.

Later in the afternoon, he asked me if I wanted to go out with him tonight.
Since I was free, I said ok. We met in Orchard for dinner and I brought him over to
Sushi Teh. I was craving for something raw... haha...

Coincidentally, it was his fave restaurant as well. We joked and laughed over dinner.

Suddenly he says "I been observing you all the while. Speaking to you makes me very
comfortable. And I like you very much. Do you think I can date you?"

I was caught by surprise!!! He's AJ???? The cutie which I have trying very hard not to steal glances or to make eye contact with, was actually observing me. I was trying hard to contain this suddenly rush of happiness in me.

We chatted more and got to know each other a bit more over dinner...
And he knew that I was feeling rather stress from class, and I really needed to chill out.

So after dinner, we walked to his car and drove down to Happy.
It was Piano Night at Happy and Pam Oei was performing tonight, and she was really FABULOUS! When she sang "Go West" unplugged, everyone sang along to the chorus. It was really a good rendition of that pop tune!!!

Too bad the night had to come to an end early... if there wasn't any class later
in the morning, we would have been there till much later.

As he drove me home, we started to share more about ourselves in the car. It was such a nice feeling.

Well, I really look forward to seeing AR later...

Sitting back in my chair... slowly dragging my puff from the cigarette...
I really feel so tired...

Looking back... I wonder what I have achieved for the past few years...
I'm really feel so jaded... jaded about everything...

I'm really losing the passion... passion for everything, even the career
which I once felt so passionate about....
Slowly the will to fight, the determination, fortitude and decisiveness in me
are being replaced by a dark and gloomy void.

No feelings, no passion, no emotions, no energy, no strength... Nothing at all...

Somehow it is sucking me in... deeper, deeper and deeper...
Draining away my life energy... Now I can't even be bothered with anything
around me or my life.

I'm just living day by day... week by week... month by month...
Just waiting for time to pass.

Adopting the mentality of whatever will be, will be.
Just letting life go with the flow... be it work or love or social life...
I really can't be bothered... If it's destined to be your's, it will be your's.
Why bother trying so hard to hold on to it?

Maybe the next few months when I am away, it would be a good break for me,
for me to find my place in LIFE...

Have you found your place in LIFE?

sigh... my laptop has given up on me... it has died of natural old age...
So now I am in the midst of looking for a new laptop...
The Fujitsu P7120 is so tempting... But the search is still on.
Guess I won't be able to update my LJ, unless I'm back in the torture chamber.
Give me a month or so... so no MSN...

-------------------------------------

Anyway, been spending alot of time meeting up with Matt.
He's really a nice guy, been meeting him for dinner and drinks quite often.
Listening to his life experiences, of all the places he been to,
from Tokyo to Mumbai, from Sydney to Amsterdam, from Shanghai to San Francisco.
It's really interesting... guess that's why it's the dream job every AJ wants.
No need to say, I guess you guys also know...

Sometimes I wonder why am I stucked with this boring job!!!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Recently, I witnessed the breaking up of a few couples and of cos the union of couples.
Matt told me, when we break-up, we always tell ourselves to get over the relationship.
But how to? 99% of our heart wants to forget the past and move on, but there is always this 1% in our heart that is holding onto what we treasure the most - The memories.
But at times, this 1% can swell can take over your emotions and logic, and make you do stupid things, such as cry and think of your ex. (trust me... I know... and I hate it.)

And when I got to know guys that are newly attached, I wish them well. But some of them were only at the start of their relationship, and they are already thinking about being with their partner for the rest of their life, living together... seeing sunsets together. I really wish them well, but we know... this is really difficult. Esp in a society where there are so much temptations and seductions. Unless they reallly get away from the scene and stay away from everything, become a hermit. Else we really need to give and take, not anything more, but this...

Giving in to each other's mistake and learning to accept that to err is human, and taking time to get to know the person better.

We can't be strong all the time. We are all made of flesh and meat, we have feelings.
Now, at least I know, when I turn around, I have my friends and love one behind me.